Confessions of a Catgirl in Love
by Q42
Summary: Merle is still in love with King Van, though her would be boyfriend is still too busy pining for Hitomi to notice. With unrequited love to deal with and a new threat on the horizon, what's a sweet, innocent little catgirl to do? Let the fur fly!
1. LoveHate

Confessions of a Catgirl in Love 

As transcribed by Q42

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Three years after their return home, Van Fanel is king of Fanelia, and Merle is still in love with him - though her would-be boyfriend is still too busy pining for that freaky girl from the Mystic Moon to notice. With unrequited love to deal with, a new threat on the horizon, and a rich but two-faced hussy moving in on Van, what's a sweet, innocent little catgirl to do?

Let the fur fly!

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Chapter 1:

Love/Hate

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I lay coiled in my hiding place, every muscle tensed and ready for action. Only inches from my prey, I could smell everything about him, from the expensive soap he had used that morning to the scent of his own perspiration - actually, a very pleasant aroma. As he spoke with his chief advisor, I could hear every word he said.

Unfortunately, after three hours of lying in wait, my muscles were screaming from exhaustion, and my patience was running out fast.

Maybe hiding under Van's desk hadn't been one of my better ideas ...

Still totally unaware that my nose was an inch away from the tip of his toe, Van Fanel, King of Fanelia, kept right on talking. "So they actualy _quit_?"

"I'm afraid so. After we finished rebuilding the city wall, a lot of the workers decided that they should focus on their own livelihoods. At this rate, reconstruction of the dam is going to take another three months at least."

Van sighed. I couldn't see his face, but I could imagine how he probably looked: exhausted. Lately, he'd been under a lot of pressure.

Ever since we came back to Fanelia - or what was left of it - Van had been coordinating the dozens of public works projects that, he hoped, would eventually restore our home to what it had been before the Zaibach Empire's invasion. Unfortunately, since the kingdom had been pretty much ransacked during the war, the treasury was gone, so every project relied completely on volunteers - and after three years, even the most dedicated workers were starting to get tired of building walls and bridges _pro bono_.

After a few seconds, Van spoke. "Well, I suppose we have no choice. I certainly can't raise taxes to offer them wages, and if I borrow any more money from the Noble Houses, somebody's going to get fed up with it and start causing trouble."

"Not if we stage an ... incident. If a certain penny-pinching lord were to meet with an unfortunate accident out on his estate, it would send a very subtle message to the others that it would be wise to give you what Fanelia needs."

I felt my lip curl, and it was all I could do to keep from growling out loud. Van's chief advisor, General Valens, wasn't exactly what you'd call a nice guy. Yes, he'd learned from Balgus, the greatest, most noble warrior that Gaea's ever seen. Yes, he'd helped defend Fanelia during the Zaibach invasion - earning a bunch of scars and an eyepatch in the process - and had helped keep the peoples' spirits up during the occupation. Unfortunately, he'd also developed a bad habit of placing efficiency before common decency.

Van clearly felt the same way. "No, General, we're not arranging any 'incidents', and certainly not on Fanelian soil. When I was younger, Balgus, my father, even my mother tried to teach me the importance of honor. And frankly, if Balgus had heard you just now, I have a feeling he'd agree with me."

Even from under the desk, I could feel Valens tense at the mention of their old swordmaster. "Yes, King Van, Balgus taught me the same thing. However, I also believe he would not have placed it before the survival of an entire kingdom."

Van gave an exasperated sigh. "Listen, trying to interpret the teachings of a dead friend isn't going to get us anywhere. As your king, I am telling you not to pursue clandestine attacks against the nobles. Think of Zaibach, Valens; when a nation starts to rely too much on brute force and preemptive attacks, it's bound to make more enemies than it can handle, and I'm not aboutto become the next Dornkirk. It may take a bit longer than we'd expected, but the remaining volunteers will be enough to finish the dam, and then we'll have the water power we need for the grain mills and the new factory."

The floorboards creaked as Valens gave a bow. "As you wish, King Van," he said, though I could tell by his voice that Valens wasn't happy.

Finally, the General's footfalls faded down the hallway, and I decided that it was time to make my big entrance. As I heard Van's quill pen start scritching away at some official document or another, I sprang out from under the desk. "Surprise!" I shouted as I wrapped my arms around his shoulders.

"Merle? Wha-- whoa!" he cried as I knocked Van, chair, pen and all onto the floor with a heavy _thump!_

I got up on all fours, straddling him and beaming. Just being close to him, looking into those perfect blue eyes, only a shade lighter than mine, was enough to make my tail start twitching like wild.

Then his face hardened. "Merle, I'm very busy right now. I'll come and spend some time with you later, all right? But right now I have to deal with something."

"But Lord Van, you're _always _dealing with something!" I whined in my best little-girl voice. I arched my back and rubbed up against him, making sure to press my chest firmly into his. "Aren't I important too, Lord Van?"

He smiled at me, but I could tell it was forced. "Yes, Merle, you're very important to me. But I need you to be patient for a few hours. Okay?"

I gave a dramatic sigh. "Ohh, all right," I said, sitting up, putting my hands on my hips and pushing my lips out in a pout. "But you'd better not miss dinner this time, and you'd better meet me in the garden afterward. Otherwise, I'm stealing that pen, and you're not getting it back until you've beaten me at chess."

"All right, Merle, all right! Just please let me finish!"

I sighed again, then stood and helped Van lift his heavy wooden armchair with a gold-inlaid Great Seal of the Fanelian royal family.

When we were done, Van stood leaning on the chair, panting after the ordeal of picking it up. "You know, Merle, we're not kids anymore. Someday you're going to have to quit pouncing on me and start _acting _like a Lady."

I just gave him another pout, then spun around on my heel - letting my shiny, wavy, freshly-washed red hair trail out behind me - and sauntered to the door, my tail flicking from side to side like a flag to draw his attention to my lower half.

But, as usual, Van Fanel wasn't interested in my tail, my butt, my hair, or even my chest, and as I passed through the doorway, I heard a quiet rustling as he reorganized the papers on his desk, then the sound of a pen writing on them.

As I headed down the Grand Hall to my own room, I let the mask drop. My lips went back to their usual shape, my hips stopped swaying saucily, and my tail just hung down behind me, curling a little toward the end, but that was all.

For the umpteen-thousandth time, I'd failed.

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"Stupid chest!"

A few minutes and one less layer of clothes later, I stood angrily in my room, pointing an accusing finger at the girl in front of me. The girl had shoulder-length red hair that curled a bit just behind her long, furry, expressive ears. The girl had blue eyes with slightly elliptical pupils. Her long, flexible tail was sticking straight out from her rear, its fur bristling with hostility, and at the moment, she was wearing a custom-fitted black satin corset, its underwired cups designed to give her chest some much-needed enhancement.

And which, obviousy, hadn't done squat.

With a groan, I hung my head, no longer able to face the girl in the mirror. Clearly, when Mother Nature had given me my perfect eyesight, quick reflexes and retractable nails, she'd decided to compensate by leaving me almost totally flat-chested. For a while, I'd tried to convince myself that I was just a late bloomer, that someday I'd finally get a decent hourglass figure, but at seventeen, I was starting to realize that I had to work with what I had.

Just one of a hundred other ways Hitomi would always be better than me.

Hitomi! Even now, I still feel my lip curling at the thought of her, my teeth wanting to sink in deep and give her a taste of the pain she caused when she came to our world and wrecked everything. Up until she came, everyone was happy. Yes, Van's parents and brother had died - at least, we thought so - but he'd learned to deal with it, and once he passed the rite of dragonslaying, he was King of Fanelia. I had been living happily in the palace since Balgus had found me as a kitten in the Western Forest. I never knew my birth parents, but I'd always had Van's family, along with the royal servants, to take care of me. As we got older, I had grown up right beside Van, and in my heart of hearts - not that I'd ever worked up the guts to tell him so - I had dreamed of the day when Van and I would finally become more than just friends and playmates.

And then she came along!

The very same day Van brought her back from the Mystic Moon, dressed in her weird clothes with her short, boyish hair and that red pendant, the Zaibach Empire invaded Fanelia. They killed most of the Royal Guards and tore the city apart in their big, invisible guymelefs, setting everything on fire and watching, safe, from behind their stealth cloaks. Van says that they came looking for the Escaflowne, and that they would have attacked whether Hitomi had come or not, but I still have my doubts about that.

After we escaped - Van and Hitomi by magic and me on foot - we tried to figure out what was happening, and finally to destroy the Empire once and for all. As we traveled, though, I watched Van start growing closer and closer to Hitomi, spending more and more time alone with her, showing her a kind of affection and tenderness that he'd only ever shown me before. I could tell that she wanted him, too, but she would always say how much she wanted to go back home, to go back to her old life on the Mystic Moon.

I tried to make Van slow down, to _think _before he let himself get too attached to Hitomi, but whenever I did, it would only make him sad, then hurt, then angry, until I finally stopped trying and left the two of them alone, hoping that she could make Van happy, even if it meant that I would never have him for myself.

And then she did it.

She committed the one, unforgivable crime for which I'll hate her forever - not because she hurt me, but because of what she did to Van.

She broke his heart.

When we had finally won, when it seemed like everything would finally be all right again someday, Hitomi got her wish. She started going up into the sky, floating back toward the Mystic Moon, surrounded by the red glow of her magic pendant. Van tried to hold her, to keep her here, but in the end, Hitomi wouldn't stay, not even for him. Van managed to grab her pendant, but its chain snapped, and Hitomi just faded off into the distance.

Ever since, Van had worn that pendant around his own neck. When we finally got back home, Van took up the crown again, and things seemed to get a little better every day. But some nights, I would walk past his room in the middle of the night, when all the servants had gone to sleep and the torches were out, and I would hear him crying. Not for the horrible things he'd lived through, not for his family, not even for our home, but for her.

Crying for Hitomi to come back to him.

I guess the reason I got a bookshelf for my room was so that I could read when I couldn't fall asleep, so I could go places in my head without having to get up and walk past Van's room every night.

I just couldn't stand hearing his sobs anymore.

Ever since we came back to Fanelia, I'd done my best to cheer him up - making him play games, wrestling every now and then, even just walking around the gardens and admiring the new plants and trees. Gradually, between me and his responsibilities to Fanelia, Van slowly started to recover, living a life, even smiling once in a blue moon.

So, one night, I put down my book and walked past his room for the first time in six months.

And heard him crying just as desperately as before.

That's when I decided that games and child's play weren't enough. Van had lost a part of his heart, and something had to fill the void.

Or, more like some_one_.

So, there I stood, glaring daggers at the furry, flat-chested girl in my bedroom mirror, wishing that she would somehow transform into a perfect, divinely attractive woman who could make Van forget all about Hitomi.

And hoping that there was enough left of Van's shattered heart for him to notice her.

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	2. Competition

Chapter 2:

Competition

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That night, Van and I were walking through the garden. Just like he'd promised, he'd made it to dinner on time, and I'd finally cajoled him into taking a walk around the grounds. In the moonlight, the greenery looked blue, and the fish pond reflected the images of the double moons. It was really beautiful, and I did my best to help Van enjoy it - despite the fact that, whenever his attention wasn't on me, he was looking straight up at the Mystic Moon.

I'll give you three guesses who he was probably thinking about.

Maybe I should have just challenged him to a game of Castles.

Well, it was too late for that now, so I just did my best to be Van's faithful, good-humored friend and confidante, cheering him up as best I could. At least he did smile at me a couple of times, and I could tell that he really was trying hard not to look up; as I knew all too well, there were times when Van just couldn't help himself.

Eventually, we came to a carved ivorywood bench by the artificial stream winding through the garden. Van sat down, and I took a seat right next to him. He sighed, and I leaned in closer. "Lord Van? What's wrong?"

He gave a sad little chuckle. "I think you know what's wrong, Merle, but it's just an old ache. I'm working hard to get over her.

"Actualy, that ties in with what I wanted to talk to you about tonight."

I felt my heart start pounding. He was trying to get over Hitomi? Did that mean ... ?

"I'm getting married."

_Yes! I'll marry you, Van! I've been waiting so long! I--_

_Huh?_

He wasn't asking me. He was telling me. He was getting married.

To somebody else.

If it could, I think my face would have gone white from shock. "M-m-married?"

Van seemed to think my hanging jaw meant a happy kind of surprise, and smiled. "Yes, Merle. I'm not going to spend my life waiting for Hitomi to come back. You were right from the start: she already had someone waiting for her on her world, and I was fooling myself to think that she would stay here, cut off from everything she knew, just for my sake."

I felt like I was on the verge of passing out. This was exactly what I had been waiting for Van to say for three years, but I had always assumed that he would finish by proposing to _me_!

"Do you remember Lady Rienna Tenebre?"

I had a vague recollection of a blonde girl in a blue dress with more frills than a luxury yacht. "Wasn't she at that dinner we hosted last month? The one to raise funds for the war orphanage?"

Van nodded. "Yes. Valens introduced us. Apparently, she's the last member of the House of Tenebre. Since her parents were killed during the war, she's inherited a pretty substantial estate, but only because her House doesn't have any male heirs left. Once she marries, that's the end of the House of Tenebre, at least as far as the name goes."

"But Lord Van, you barely know her! You talked to her for twenty minutes at a cocktail party!" _And I've been waiting for you for _three years! I finished in my head, but as usual, I couldn't bring myself to be that forward with Van.

Van nodded again. "Well, it's not exactly a love match. You know the problems we've been having funding the reconstruction projects? Well, Lady Rienna said that she'd be happy to use her family fortune as a dowry. Really, all she wants is to marry me, so that at least her bloodline will survive. In fact, since she'd be marrying into the Royal House, her children - well, _our _children - will have a much better life than if she just married a noble lord. Plus, by marrying her, it would help establish a connection between me and the nobles, who haven't been too happy with me lately, if what Valens tells me about private troop buildups is true."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. If Van were going to marry someone he really _loved_, I would still have been heartbroken, but I could have lived with it. I mean, at least he'd be happy, right? I would have felt badly for a while, maybe cried for a couple of days, but I would have gotten over it. Van would be in good hands - not as good as mine, but at least he'd be okay - so I could go off and find someone special for myself. It wasn't as if I hadn't been getting offers ...

But to think that he was planning to get hitched to some rich woman he hardly knew, strictly for money and politics, was just ... not fair!

How could he do this to me?

I forced myself to take a deep breath. Clearly, despite all the not-so-subtle hints I'd thrown his way, Van still hadn't figured out that I was in love with him. He may not be the most socially inclined guy in the world, but I knew that Van wouldn't have cheerfully told me that he was marrying another woman if he knew the way I felt. If he had chosen Rienna _over _me, knowing just how wild I was for him, Van would have been apologetic, at the very least. He might have said something like: "I'm very, very sorry, Merle, but I have to marry Rienna. I've got no other choice. I've got to do it for this, that and the other reason. I love you a lot, and I'm really sorry about this."

So the problem wasn't just Van; somehow, I hadn't gotten my point across.

I forced a smile. "That's ... great, Lord Van. Just great. I'm really happy for you."

Van sighed with relief. "Thanks, Merle. I felt badly not telling you before, but I guess I really hadn't decided I would go through with it up until now. Thanks for not being angry."

"No problem, Lord Van," my mouth replied. Frankly, I was still too shell-shocked to feel much of anything.

Van stood up, a big grin on his face, and stretched his back. "Great! Rienna should be here by tomorrow afternoon. We'll spend a few days getting to know each other, get everything ready, then we'll hold the wedding ceremony in the cathedral. Actually, Rienna is pretty nice; I'm sure you two will get along fine."

I felt sick, but somehow I managed to stand up and start walking back to the palace beside Van. Getting to know each other? Did that mean he and she would be ... ? I shook my head, trying to shake away the thought. Despite what had happened with Hitomi - heck, _because _of it - I knew Van had developed at least enough self-control not to knock a girl up before their wedding night. Especially not if he was only marrying her for her money.

Which meant that I had "a few days" to grow a backbone, break up a bad marriage before it started, and tell Van I loved him.

_Oh, Gods help me!_

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End file.
